i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
