you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
