So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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