It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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