It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
