I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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