There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
