I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
