The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
BRING THE BAGELS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
