Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
