You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
