how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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