I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
