I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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