I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
being pregnant is like rehab
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
