Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
