I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
