What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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