I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
