Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
