I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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