i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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