Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
