why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
