Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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