Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
