"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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