just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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