It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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