did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They took my balls.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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