Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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