He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
