Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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