I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
