I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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