if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
