You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
