It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
