dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
