I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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