New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
