guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
