I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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