there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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