We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
