your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
