You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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