The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
