she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
