i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
